it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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