I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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