he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
