Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Nicole vs. Life
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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