the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
