It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
