remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
