dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
