Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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