i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
