This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
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God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
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We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober