that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I have fence marks all over my body
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you