So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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