The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
