That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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