Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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