this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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