so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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