Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
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