Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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