Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
You work out of a Hotel?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
