I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
