The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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