i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
