I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
