i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
