Dual....:-)
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
