You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
jump out the window naked night went bad
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