My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize