So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
