Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize