I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
