I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
