glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
