We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
