are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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