K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
