So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
