He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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