I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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