is your mom at the bar?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
