And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
