you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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