I just threw up on my dentist
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Randomize
