I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
