We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
