you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
