One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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