wrigley field is MILF paradise
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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