My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
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I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
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Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
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