Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
