i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
