i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
