Dual....:-)
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
