I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
