Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
