you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
