On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
they're like a gay fantastic four
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
