Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize