new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
