No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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