I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
